Day 26 (3)

Phoned the clinic this morning and explained the injection. They said I hadn't needed to use both 'waters' (would have been helpful to have known beforehand, right?), but it wouldn't have hurt.

So, be in clinic at 0930 tomorrow for EC at 1030. Means leaving here at 0830. So very very nervous about the whole procedure. Can't remember when we find out about the rest - might be Thursday.

Have to take Temazepam (10mg) tonight before bed, and am also going to take Diazepam (5mg) too, in the hope I sleep, and will give me a rough idea on how suceptible I am to it.

Transfer should Friday.

Day 25

Just done my shot of Pregnyl. You think at some point it would have been handy to have been given some instructions on what the hell to do. I had 2 ampules of liquid, & 2 ampules of powder. Didn't know whether I was meant to put 2 powders in 1 liquid or what, so I mixed everything together. Really narked and fed up. It's a fairly major injection and I could have just fucked it right up. It bled a lot loads too.

Will have to ring clinic tomorrow and hope to fuck I haven't ballsed everything up. Pretty pissed off. Partly my fault for not having checked everything first, pretty sure it was a pre-mixed shot last time, so I really wasn't expecting to have to draw stuff up and mix it before injecting it. Didn't help that DH went to get needles and didn't know which ones - which wound me up immediately - only been doing this for what, 3 weeks?..

What worried me about the Pregnyl, was that I only just had enough space for all the liquid, so pretty sure now I didn't need all the liquid, but it's too late now. Just have to hope that using all the liquid hasn't completed fucked everything.

Day 25 (3)

Scan this morning. Nurses were totally lovely and we chatted throughout. I have 9 viable follicles atm, and more that are still too small (damn it!). Egg collection looking like Wednesday - have to ring this afternoon for blood results. One of my follicles is 29, and they only need to be 17, so apparently there's no way they'll leave me longer (just as well, as I have no drugs left).

Pic shows the difference between scan on day 20 and scan today (25). As you can see, 5 follicles vs 16 follicles. Just hope to god that those 10s etc grow to at least 17. *crosses fingers hopefully* The follicles on the left side are still on the top of my uterus, apparently it means they'll lave to press down on my stomach to get them and there's still no guarantee they will be able to get them *nervous*. The bottom numbers are the thickness of my endometrium. Mine is textbook still. Mine is always textbook. Just hoping everything stays this time.

Am very nervous about collection - no shock there. Waiting for 1.30pm now, to find out what time they need me in. when I ring they will no doubt give me the time to take Pregnyl etc and it'll be my last injection until they put them back in *more crossing of fingers*

Day 21 (3)

Have been craving bagels and cream cheese recently - hence my lunch. I probably shouldn't be eating it, I definitely won't be eating it next week, so, you know.. I'm also forcing water down too - even though I feel less thirsty than I ever have done before.

Definitely feeling bloated now, sharp stabby pains in the ovary when I push down (I know, I know, don't push down, right?).

Also I'm now having to drink prune juice - I don't know whether this is because of the drugs or the bagels. TMI I know, but for anyone who starts experiencing these problems, there's nothing worse at this stage than constipation (or after EC, where everything hurts after and for some time). And the paranoia of that after implantation, is well worth avoiding.

Apparently it's very common, as in every women worries she'll 'push' the embryos out - glad it's not just me. There's comfort in large scale stupidity.

Day 20 (3)

Results are in. Bloods are fine.

Stay on the same dose (225) but instead of turning up for bloods and scan on Friday, leave it til Monday 8am again.

If I need any more Menopur, they'll sort it out on Monday when I'm there. Apparently my endometrium is perfect - textbook yet again.

Day 20 (3)

So went and had bloods and scan. The scan hurt. Some nurses are very good and can get al the angles without you feeling like someone has rammed something hard up there. I felt like a cement mixer with some guy trying to get as much stuff out as possible with his shovel.

Results not looking good. took her while to find my left ovary. There a 12mm and a 10mm and I think3 very tiny ones she didn't measure. One of them is apparently on the top of my uterus and she's hoping it'll drop down. She couldn't find my right ovary for a good long whilse, and when she did she only saw one follicle. Damn I hurt a lot after it, I can tell you that much.

Ring this afternoon for results. We'll see whether I stay on the same dose, or whether they put me up again. Hopefully tx will continue.

Egg retrieval, she reckons will be Tuesday.

Spoke to DH about it and he's told me not to worry (he always tells me that). He pointed out that at this stage of IVF1 they were considering calling of tx, and a few days later there were eggs everywhere. He's every hopeful - it's another reason why I love him.

Day 19 (3)

Nose is running, constantly sneezing, feeling shit. Incredibly wound up - I should go to bed soon, what with tomorrow morning, but am too wound up to sleep :(

It doesn't bode well when you're listening to 'Space Oddity' and crying on the sofa. Like my nose needs any help right now.

Last night I cried myself to slep and couldn't tell DH. So many fear and nightmares running through my head. Woke up feeling like I'd been in a fight, and cried again. I miss feeling normal. I wish I could positivly say this is all worth it, but there's no guarantee. If this works and I'm a mum in 9months, then yes, every single second, every single needle, blood spot, cramp, pain, tear, scream and giggle will be worth it - a million times over. The terror is there's no guarantee.

I at least have heparin this time and aspirin. What else can I do but pray and hope? Not bad for someone who doesn't believe in god...

Shit - this is just day before scan and bloods, what the hell am I going to be like the night before egg collection? :(

Day 19 (3)

Last night I did the standard injections again and it really hurt. Really hurt. Whether it's my skin getting more and more sensitive to needles, or whether I've woken up and forgotten how to inject myself, I'm not entirely sure, but it's bleeding every time now, and my stomach is so incredibly sore.

If it is a reaction and hypersensitivity to needles, then it's not boding well for egg collection - that's one hell of a needle, exactly where you never want a needle to go. My skin has also gone to hell too, it's sore and red and just painful, doesn't help with the self-confidence either. Skin stuff doesn't seem to be helping either.

Had a bizarre form of what I can only describe as 'lock jaw' last night, just on the right side. It came on in a few hours and was really painful by the time I went to bed. No idea what brought it on, but it was gone by this morning when I woke up, thankfully. I don't know whether I was grinding my teeth last night or something without realising.

Tomorrow morning is a very early wake up call, with me having to be at the clinic at 8am, take a ticket and wait in line. Then again most people are desperate to get back to work, and I'm sure I've turned up late before without a queue. I can't even remember what the motorway traffic is like either.

Aiming to get up at 7am and leave the house by 7.30am.

Weird - post is saying this way written at 10.26am. It was actually 7pm.

Day 17 (3)

Just did shots again (Menopur = left. Suprefact = right). It hurts. It's hurting more and more at the moment and I've no iea why. I thoughtlast time I'd 'felt' more of a change at this point- don't remember, but there you go.

Cracking headache yesterday cos I'm not drinking enough. Normally I drink loads but am struggling to drink at the moment and it's the one time I should be drinking more than ever. Eurgh.

Nervous about how my body is reacting. I don't seem to have changed much on the outside (or rather when clothed), but my body once again resembles silly putty. Bizarrely enough even though I've not wanted sex at all since this tx has started, I really really did tonight, but events conspired against us Typical!)

Day 15 (3)

I keep forgetting which side I've been doing which, and stupidly didn't think to write it down on Wednesday.

Tonight:
Menopur = Left. Suprefact = Right.

Mood swings are definitely affected, but not feeling much bloating atm - I'm sure I was feeling more effects at this stage last time. Feeling worried that I'm not reacting as well as I should do. I don't know why, just a bad gut feeling. Hoping I'll be proved wrong.

Day 12 (3)

Phoned results line today. Everything's fine, so I need to start taking my Menopur tonight (225 = 3powders to one 'water') and Suprefact alongside it.

Turn up at 8am next Wednesday for bloods and scan. Basically turn up and take a number like everyone else there, and wait your turn. It's a bit like the meat counter at ASDA.

One thing I have noticed (but can't remember if I've mentioned), I'm bruising with every injection, which is odd, but then this whole try has been odd for me, and different to the 1st and 2nd attempts. (From the abdominal pain and mood swings with Suprefact, to the bruising with injections)

Day 10 (3)

So, back to the clinic today. I had a hormone blood test and DH had an AIDs test. Everyone gasps when you mention that bit, but care of child means that the clinic have to make sure we're both completely fit and healthy before they go ahead with tx. (I had an AIDs test a few month ago anyway, due to me being on the egg donor register). It's insulting really - especially cos people who are investing time, heart and soul in IVF are not going to risk pissing that up the wall at all, but there you go. It's done now.

I have to ring Wednesday afternoon for my results, to make sure I can start my Menopur on Wednesday evening. [DH gets his results at the same time, but obviously we're not worried about that in the slightest.]

I had my bleed on Day 7, but forgot to write it here.

Day 4 (3)

Yes. I totally feel like I'm doing this on my own. Much like I did last time. I appreciate it's just an injection, but it's not just my responsibility to remember when I need to take it. Doing it together, means just that. It means attending appointments together, no matter how trivial you might think it is, it means going through the drugs together, and remembering injection times.

Once again I feel totally alone again. I'm the one who went and chased up prices, plotted periods, found out about waiting lists and when we could go. Found out the info and booked in for an appointment, got onto the waiting list, am chasing clinics for drugs, remembering to inject, dealing with pain-relief, you know actually getting involved.

So yes, I am fucked off and fed up and feeling like frankly I am fucking invisible.

Then again, in a natural conception the bloke doesn't really get involved anyway. Maybe he's just following the stereotype?

Day 2 (3)

I've just realised that I hadn't actually explained giving Suprefact anywhere (hence my small panic just now, when trying to remember how to give it subcutaneously in my stomach). It's very easy actually.

Equipment needed:

• Rubber bunged bottle of Suprefact.
• 0.5ml needle (needle is very small, like a diabetic needle).
• Cotton wool swab (if needed).
• Sharps bin.

Draw 0.5ml of Suprefact into the syringe. Pinch a few cms of skin (anywhere horizontally below your navel), in between you forefinger and thumb and insert the needle horizontally (90 degrees). Depress plunger. Let go of skin once it's all in. Withdraw needle. Cap and dispose in the sharps bin. Not a problem. If it bleeds - wipe with cotton wool swab.

Smile and tell your husband it doesn't sting or itch like last time. Grin like a maniac for about 10 seconds, start to realise it does in fact itch like a b*stard, and have all the memories flood back. Remember this is normal.

I don't mind the itching. It's irritating but fine. Least it's not stinging this time.

Day 1 (3)

And so it begins. IVF for the 3rd and final time.

I gave myself my first Surprefact injection today (0.5ml). I have always given it in the stomach before but the nurse at our last appointment was insistent that I gave it in the thigh. So I did. I won't be doing that again. It really hurt! It also bled an awful lot.

Frankly, last time I did everything in my stomach, and ended up with 18 follicles, 15 of which contained eggs. It's a winning formula I'm not going to mess with. From tomorrow (and for the rest of the treatment, I am injecting in my stomach and the clinic can go jump.

Ow my thigh :(

Also, have decided to stay in Sheffield. Am very nervous about egg retrieval though - need to ring them up tomorrow and enquire about valium and morphine, which is apparently what they use in Cardiff. *crosses fingers anxiously*