Day 26 (3)

Phoned the clinic this morning and explained the injection. They said I hadn't needed to use both 'waters' (would have been helpful to have known beforehand, right?), but it wouldn't have hurt.

So, be in clinic at 0930 tomorrow for EC at 1030. Means leaving here at 0830. So very very nervous about the whole procedure. Can't remember when we find out about the rest - might be Thursday.

Have to take Temazepam (10mg) tonight before bed, and am also going to take Diazepam (5mg) too, in the hope I sleep, and will give me a rough idea on how suceptible I am to it.

Transfer should Friday.

Day 25

Just done my shot of Pregnyl. You think at some point it would have been handy to have been given some instructions on what the hell to do. I had 2 ampules of liquid, & 2 ampules of powder. Didn't know whether I was meant to put 2 powders in 1 liquid or what, so I mixed everything together. Really narked and fed up. It's a fairly major injection and I could have just fucked it right up. It bled a lot loads too.

Will have to ring clinic tomorrow and hope to fuck I haven't ballsed everything up. Pretty pissed off. Partly my fault for not having checked everything first, pretty sure it was a pre-mixed shot last time, so I really wasn't expecting to have to draw stuff up and mix it before injecting it. Didn't help that DH went to get needles and didn't know which ones - which wound me up immediately - only been doing this for what, 3 weeks?..

What worried me about the Pregnyl, was that I only just had enough space for all the liquid, so pretty sure now I didn't need all the liquid, but it's too late now. Just have to hope that using all the liquid hasn't completed fucked everything.

Day 25 (3)

Scan this morning. Nurses were totally lovely and we chatted throughout. I have 9 viable follicles atm, and more that are still too small (damn it!). Egg collection looking like Wednesday - have to ring this afternoon for blood results. One of my follicles is 29, and they only need to be 17, so apparently there's no way they'll leave me longer (just as well, as I have no drugs left).

Pic shows the difference between scan on day 20 and scan today (25). As you can see, 5 follicles vs 16 follicles. Just hope to god that those 10s etc grow to at least 17. *crosses fingers hopefully* The follicles on the left side are still on the top of my uterus, apparently it means they'll lave to press down on my stomach to get them and there's still no guarantee they will be able to get them *nervous*. The bottom numbers are the thickness of my endometrium. Mine is textbook still. Mine is always textbook. Just hoping everything stays this time.

Am very nervous about collection - no shock there. Waiting for 1.30pm now, to find out what time they need me in. when I ring they will no doubt give me the time to take Pregnyl etc and it'll be my last injection until they put them back in *more crossing of fingers*

Day 21 (3)

Have been craving bagels and cream cheese recently - hence my lunch. I probably shouldn't be eating it, I definitely won't be eating it next week, so, you know.. I'm also forcing water down too - even though I feel less thirsty than I ever have done before.

Definitely feeling bloated now, sharp stabby pains in the ovary when I push down (I know, I know, don't push down, right?).

Also I'm now having to drink prune juice - I don't know whether this is because of the drugs or the bagels. TMI I know, but for anyone who starts experiencing these problems, there's nothing worse at this stage than constipation (or after EC, where everything hurts after and for some time). And the paranoia of that after implantation, is well worth avoiding.

Apparently it's very common, as in every women worries she'll 'push' the embryos out - glad it's not just me. There's comfort in large scale stupidity.

Day 20 (3)

Results are in. Bloods are fine.

Stay on the same dose (225) but instead of turning up for bloods and scan on Friday, leave it til Monday 8am again.

If I need any more Menopur, they'll sort it out on Monday when I'm there. Apparently my endometrium is perfect - textbook yet again.

Day 20 (3)

So went and had bloods and scan. The scan hurt. Some nurses are very good and can get al the angles without you feeling like someone has rammed something hard up there. I felt like a cement mixer with some guy trying to get as much stuff out as possible with his shovel.

Results not looking good. took her while to find my left ovary. There a 12mm and a 10mm and I think3 very tiny ones she didn't measure. One of them is apparently on the top of my uterus and she's hoping it'll drop down. She couldn't find my right ovary for a good long whilse, and when she did she only saw one follicle. Damn I hurt a lot after it, I can tell you that much.

Ring this afternoon for results. We'll see whether I stay on the same dose, or whether they put me up again. Hopefully tx will continue.

Egg retrieval, she reckons will be Tuesday.

Spoke to DH about it and he's told me not to worry (he always tells me that). He pointed out that at this stage of IVF1 they were considering calling of tx, and a few days later there were eggs everywhere. He's every hopeful - it's another reason why I love him.

Day 19 (3)

Nose is running, constantly sneezing, feeling shit. Incredibly wound up - I should go to bed soon, what with tomorrow morning, but am too wound up to sleep :(

It doesn't bode well when you're listening to 'Space Oddity' and crying on the sofa. Like my nose needs any help right now.

Last night I cried myself to slep and couldn't tell DH. So many fear and nightmares running through my head. Woke up feeling like I'd been in a fight, and cried again. I miss feeling normal. I wish I could positivly say this is all worth it, but there's no guarantee. If this works and I'm a mum in 9months, then yes, every single second, every single needle, blood spot, cramp, pain, tear, scream and giggle will be worth it - a million times over. The terror is there's no guarantee.

I at least have heparin this time and aspirin. What else can I do but pray and hope? Not bad for someone who doesn't believe in god...

Shit - this is just day before scan and bloods, what the hell am I going to be like the night before egg collection? :(