It's amazing just how little I want to talk about things these days. It's amazing just how few people I want to tell how I'm feeling. It's even surprised me.

So, treatment continues. I move from a nasal spray 3times a day, to a daily injection and twice daily nasal spray, tomorrow. DH has been lovely - very very soppy recently, well the last 24hrs. Weirdly so, but I'm not complaining, he's said some lovely stuff.

I don't know how i feel about this treatment anymore, and the most optimistic DH is, the less I am, to the extent I feel I'm tempting fate by even smiling about it. I can't smile about it, I'm too scared. I'm also aware people want to ask, and I don't want to volunteer the information. I don't want to have to think about it at all. I'm all too aware what the probable outcome is, and I don't feel like thinking about it just yet.

Aside from all that, this is not how I ever pictured my life - I guess no-one does really. It has brought to light just how unhappy I am about the fact that legally I will be classed as a single parent, and that I will be an unmarried mother, with either a different surname to my child, or the father of my child having a different surname to both me and our child.

I know it's fine for some. I know there's no stigma these day, but there is to me. It matters so much, to me. Is it so wrong to desperately want that 'family unit'? I'm not sure how to get over this, I'm scared I'll snap, blurt it all out, and ruin everything. This really isn't what I should be thinking, considering the situation.